Tag: parents

Young refs parent speaks out at Ref abuse…..

As a parent of a 15 year old newly qualified referee, I simply couldn’t continue to sit back and say nothing anymore. What my son has been subjected to would not happen in any other walk of life or profession.

My son has been involved in Grassroots for about 10 years, earlier this year he asked if he could earn a few quid on a weekend and still be involved in the game by becoming a referee.

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I must admit I have followed my sons footballing journey over the years and have watched most of his games and seen how refs were treat so had reservations. My son however was adamant, he was a confident lad and thought he would do a good job, and like he said “I could get a part tim job doing something I hate or something I love”

With this in mind I supported his qualification and was so proud as his mum when he qualified as a ref. I went to watch my son ref the games and was just as proud watching him as the other parents on the sidelines watching their players.

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Visit Grassroots HERE

What I have seen in a few months watching my son referee is absolutely ridiculous, he has been ridiculed, sworn at, abused verbally and threatened physically, all for what happens during a game. He has got to the point now that he’s become scared to make a decision because no matter the decision, usually comes multiple shouts of disagreement.

The amount of times an incident happens and the default shouts of “Come on Ref” before he has even had a chance to put the whistle to his lips.

I appeal to all parents out there to think again before attending the next game and treat the ref as if it were your child. My son will only take so much and he tells me that his fellow referee’s feel very similar. Heard it before but its true, No Ref – No Game.

Yours in Sport

A Referees Mum

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Cancer suffering Nana seeks solace in football watching Grandson Ben @ Aston Swallownest JFC

A Sheffield woman with terminal cancer who continues to attend her grandson’s football games while she battles against the destructive disease has been hailed as a Parent in Sport hero.

Pamela Mellars, 71, was diagnosed with skin cancer in 2012 and doctors told her that the disease was incurable. In the face of her illness, she has continued to cheer on her grandson, Ben, at his football matches for Aston Swallownest.

Read the One Two Mag HERE
Read the One Two Mag HERE

Angela Sharp, Pamela’s daughter, has nominated her mum as part of Parent in Sport Week for the support she gives to Ben, aged 13, as he develops his football skills.

Angela said: “I’ve nominated my mum as part of Parent in Sport Week because she’s always shown an interest in Ben’s footballing ever since he started playing eight years ago. She’s so enthusiastic about the sport and at his games.

“Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with terminal skin cancer in 2012 which came as a huge blow to the entire family. Since finding out about her illness, my mum has been knocked back time and time again as the disease develops.

“She’s had a number of operations to try and fix the skin cancer as it was incredibly aggressive. She’s had to have her eye and parts of her skull removed to get rid of the cancer.

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“Last year she was also diagnosed with lung cancer which resulted in the removal of a quarter of her lung. This has had a massive effect on her breathing and she gets worn out easily.

“On top of all of this, my dad Michael passed away in February of this year. He had primary-progressive multiple sclerosis (MS) and my mum was his main carer for a number of years. Unfortunately, when she became ill she struggled to keep this up.”

Four years on from her first diagnosis, Pamela is still attending her grandson Ben’s football games whenever she can.  Ben has played for Aston Swallownest since he was four-years-old and is currently part of the Under 14s team.

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“In spite of all that life’s thrown at her, my mum has still continued to show her support for Ben by cheering him on at his matches.

“My mum grew up with football, it’s her background. Her brother, Andy Burgin, even played for Sheffield Wednesday so it’s in her blood.

“She is so focused on the sport, it’s all she ever watches. She and Ben are constantly chatting about the latest matches.  She is the person my son talks to about football, she advises him, guides him and loves him very much.

“To look at her, you’d think she was this frail, little old lady – 71 years old, weighing six-and-a-half stone – but she’s the toughest person I know. Everyone thinks she’s amazing and she really is so strong.

“Mum still goes to the hospital quite regularly these days but she’s coping. She’s getting better every day and we think she is finally cancer free – fingers crossed!

“I am incredibly proud of my mum for how she’s dealt with everything over the past few years, especially for how supportive she is of Ben.

“I want her to know how much it means to me and Ben that she continues to come to his football matches and show such enthusiasm about this sport that they both love.

“She is one tough cookie.”

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Do you genuinely believe your constant criticism helps your boy????

How many times do I have to hear his voice through the game…

Do this…

Do that…

Don’t do that…

Don’t do this…

Why did you do that…

You should of done this…

 

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Every single time his son gets the ball or at times when he hasn’t got the ball. No matter where his son is on the pitch his father informs him he’s “Out of position” or he’s “Lost his man” 

If he attempts to control the ball and pass his father informs him “Just get rid” If he puts his foot through it his father informs him “ah you should have took a touch you had loads of time”

I’ve seen a child with a love of football be systematically broken down by criticism to the point where he hates to play now. I can see in his body language he now genuinely doesn’t know when and how to make any decision as he knows it will be the wrong one.  

I see the boy arguing with his father before games not to play and his father virtually threatens him to play. 

If his father was at work and his boss was behaving like this I’m sure he would be outraged and dread going to work, is it any different what he is doing to his own son??????

  
 So today I couldn’t take anymore and asked him “do you genuinely believe your constant criticism helps your boy?”

He replied,  “It’s nothing to do with you what I do with my son, maybe if you coached them properly I wouldn’t have to”

I took a deep breath and smiled and kindly replied

“Speaking from 15 years experience as a volunteer coach, working with and developing kids, having been on many safeguarding workshops and witnessing first hand your behaviour I can tell you that this behaviour ends today or I will be forced to ban you from pitch side at games and training to safeguard my player, your son”

His response….

This clubs sXXt, no one has a clue what there doing, I was leaving anyway. 

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Halesowen children’s football match ends in melee with ref and parent injured

A MELEE broke out during a children’s football match in Halesowen which saw parents fighting and the referee attacked.

It has been reported today via the Halesowen News that another game has turned sour, the details that have been alleged are…..

The Halesowen Match descended into violence on Sunday afternoon.

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Tempers flared after a contentious decision and then it has been alleged that the referee was attacked.

During the ensuing fight its alleged that a parent was also injured and needed stitches for his wounds.

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Police were called to the scene where shocked parents and children had looked on in horror at the attack.

A parent, who did not want to named, said: “It was absolutely sickening, this was a children’s football match and to see such violence was a shock for everyone.

“We all know parents and team management can get carried away but this was on another level.”
A West Midlands Police spokesman said: “A man has been arrested following an assault at a Halesowen amateur football match.

“Police were called to Newfield Park, Whittingham Road at around 1.55pm following reports that a 49-year-old man had been assaulted.”

She added: “Officers arrested a 52-year-old man from an address in Halesowen at around 2.30pm.
“The man has been bailed pending further police enquiries.”

The referee of the match, told the News: “I’m as well as I can be after something like this.”

He did not want to go into the details of the attack until the County FA had completed its investigations.

Brett Harrington, referees appointments officer, said: “We have a Respect officer whose team has been observing matches to see how the refs are treated.

“We are committed to bringing down the amount of abuse referees suffer from parents and players.”

  
Stories like these are becoming daily news, it has to stop.  The game we all love is meant for fun, enjoyment and a social past time. Not for brawling, violence and abuse. 

Grassroots 

Story via Halesowen News Here 

http://m.halesowennews.co.uk/news/14381335.Halesowen_children_s_football_match_ends_in_melee_with_ref_and_parent_injured/?ref=fbshr

Father attacks teenagers and mothers threaten ref at youth match

We are hearing news from STV in Scotland about an incident that occurred at a youth game last August. 

They are reporting as follows –
The youth match was abandoned after chaotic scenes at the Blairgowrie under-16 game.

A schoolboys football match was abandoned after spectating mothers threatened the referee, a player was bitten until he bled and two teenagers were punched by an opposition father.
 

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A court heard the referee abandoned the under-16 match between Blairgowrie and Monifieth after a series of violent clashes involving fans and spectators.

Ian Scobie, 44, who was watching his son play for Monifieth, punched two Blairgowrie teenagers who were watching the match in the Perthshire town’s Davie Park on August 30th last year.

  
One of the boys, who was 16 at the time, told Perth Sheriff Court: “He grabbed me by the throat and punched me. My nose was swollen. He grabbed [my friend] by the scruff and punched him to the ground.”

The other boy, who was 15, said: “One of them called us Blairgowrie minks. The father came and approached us and said we called his son names.

“I stepped in his way and he swung for me. It was a punch. He didn’t properly connect. I knew it was a punch because I saw his fist. He fled. He ran back to the car park.”

Blairgowrie mother Gayle Tolmie, 39, said: “I heard a commotion to my left and turned around to see one of the young boys watching the game being assaulted, punched in the face.
“He was maybe 16 at the time. 

This gent punched him in the face and he fell to the ground. I told him he was just a child and that shouldn’t be happening.
“A lady was shouting and swearing. I was told I was getting the same from the lady. I heard another parent advising him to get out of there so I got my phone out and took a photo.

“It was just a football game. It got very heated after that. The game was eventually abandoned. Their team was winning quite comfortably so there was no need for it.”

Solicitor Kevin Hampton, defending, said: “This man [Scobie] doesn’t dispute he slaps the boys, because these boys were about to slap him.

“They were saying things about people getting stabbed after the game and making reference to Dundee minks. It’s suggested these boys were causing bother.

“The referee in his match report says he was threatened by female supporters of the Blairgowrie team.” 

Mr Hampton said the referee’s match report also recorded an incident involving one player biting another in the hand until he bled. 

The court heard the Blairgowrie goalkeeper punched an opposition player as well.

In an interview with police, Scobie said: “The boys were antagonising my son on the football pitch, which they had nothing to do with. I asked them nicely to move.
“The lads were so brazen, it was incredible. One of the boys brought his arm up to throw a punch and I slapped him.

“The other boy came from the side and I pushed him and he fell to the ground. I went away home after that. I was aware I had done wrong.

“I called the parents of the football team to apologise for my actions. I slapped one and pushed the other. I hold my hands up to what I’ve done. It’s not like me.”
Scobie, of Haddington Gardens, Dundee, was found guilty of two charges of assault by punching a 15 and a 16-year-old boy. 
Sentence was deferred for reports

Source of story STV the home of Scottish News http://stv.tv/news/tayside/1347418-youth-match-abandoned-after-father-punched-opposition-fans/

  
We can’t keep hearing stories like this, a reality check is needed and the realisation that ultimately this is merely children playing a game for Fun.

Grassroots

Dear Grassroots……When did I become an employee of the parents??

We received an email this weekend from a coach at the end of his tether telling us he was quitting and the reasons behind. 

Dear Grassroots,

I would like you to make this email public so hopefully someone somewhere may learn from what I’m saying and stop with immediate effect treating grassroots coaches like s**t.

I will start by saying I love the game and I love coaching with all my heart, I have coached grassroots football for 6 years now and on average devote about 10-15 hours per week. On top of this I also have a full time job and a family with all the job/family commitments like everyone else. 

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I will also add that most people who give up 10-15 hours per week of there time for charitable or community work are well regarded and at the very least thanked for there efforts.   

When I first started 6 years ago with a bunch of 5 year olds with parents who had no expectations of grandeur and we’re happy to watch there children play. 

I can’t tell you when or why this changed but instead of the nice texts “really appreciate that little talk you had with x he’s buzzing about what you said” or “thanks so much for taking little x and bringing him home, I would of been really stuck”

I now feel like I’m being treat like an employee of the parents with virtually every text or conversation being

  • A complaint
  • A request to do something or buy something
  • A problem
  • My training needs improving
  • The facilities we use aren’t good enough
  • The way we play isn’t good enough
  • Referees at the league aren’t good enough
  • The league isn’t ran well enough
  • Other teams have better strips/tracksuits/balls etc etc

Before I go any further the subs are £15 per month. 
I want to know at what point I turned into an employee!!

I started this as a fun hobby to give something back and to be a role model for my son to look unto. 

I can honestly say now that I dread games, dread training as there’s always and issue no matter how tiny and it has slowly but surely wore me down. 

Please if you are a parent reading this just give your coach a little bit of credit for spending his or her time with your child, don’t criticise everything they say or do. Of course they will make mistakes because there just level 1 coaches trying to do a little coaching with kids. Every once in a while even give them a pat on the back and say “Cheers” as it means more than you will ever imagine. 

It is with a heavy heart that I will be walking away from Grassroots as this grassroots coach has had enough. 

Yours in sport

Anon

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